I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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