I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
