woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We talked him into tasing himself.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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