they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
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He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
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I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
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