Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
