No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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