I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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