i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
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He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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