I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
