It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
