I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
