I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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