the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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