then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
