She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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