so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
