His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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