oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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