At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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