You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
