She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
