Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize