dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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