I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize