my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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