I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
