If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
