You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
