The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
