I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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