Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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