Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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