If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
