whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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