Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
