She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize