It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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