so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
