DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
