Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Your dad touched me again.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
