I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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