I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
