Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
