all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i love accidental penises.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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