Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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