so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
