Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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