I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
