I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
