I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She even gives head with a lisp.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
