matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
