Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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