dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
