hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
