Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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