I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
