you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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