Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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