I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
