I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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