well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
