suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
