Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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