I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
how can u be prego again
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
