I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
