i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
