i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
