RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
