I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
