so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
