My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
