new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
